|I would do literally anything |
for 8 hours of continuous sleep.
aving fun. Not anymore. Sleeping late has become to me what hookers are to Charlie Sheen. It’s my porn. It is my ultimate fantasy – ahhhhh…. To sleep in whenever I want… But I have as much chance of sleeping in every weekend as I do of becoming a Vampire Slayer (my other great dream).
My husband, the delightful Cap’n Coupon, is a hard-working and oft-exhausted man. And sadly, there may only be one or two days a month where we don’t have a bunch of schmidt scheduled and can actually try to sleep in. The Cap’n and I have worked out sort of an agreement on how to equitably share those precious few mornings.
What I didn’t realize until last weekend, was that we had created a set of defacto LAWS regarding this arrangement. Laws that must never be broken. Please note that these laws apply equally to all parents, regardless of gender.
[Editor’s note: Oh single parents… Oh parents with a deployed spouse… We love and admire you so very, very much. Because you never get to sleep in. And you really, really deserve it. – Lydia & Kate]
Here are our Five Rules Laws of Sleeping In:
Law 1: The Monkeys Must Be Kept Out of The Sleep Chamber. If you are the on-duty parent, it is your job to keep the kids safe and fed and stop them from setting fires and stuff. But mostly, it is your job to keep them from disturbing the parent that is trying to sleep. If you shirk this responsibility and allow the howler monkeys to attack and bounce on the prone form of your spouse… You have failed. You lose your turn. You will be on-duty again next time. That is the law. You may, however, utilize the offspring in attack mode as an alarm clock if the sleeping parent does not respond to gentle prodding and a proffered cup of coffee.
(Canada post coming soon!)