9 months, 4 days, 20 hours and 4 minutes later...

I'm still pregnant. That's all there is to it.

i have been tagged

thanks my friend kaitlyn...here are 6 quirks about me

1. i hate when phone lines get twisted. like the phones at my work - when the cord that goes from the base of the phone to the hand-held part of the phone gets twisted around itself i have to fix it. I do it probably 7 times a day.

2. my morning routine is exactly the same every single day. my shower routine, my hair routine and my make-up routine. it never changes. and if it does change, it throws off my whole day. like on Friday my sister slept over so I couldn't do my hair in the family room like i normally do, so I left my phone at home and i was ready later than usual because it throws me all off.

3. I have a serious love for mixing salty, sweet and sour tastes all in one. for example - if i eat ice cream i have to have something salty with it like french fries or potato chips. and i love to have popcorn with sour patch kids mixed. oh man, it's delicious.

4. i don't like doing laundry unless i can wash all of my clothes at once. i don't like having it half done and half not. if it ever ends up that way, i will do laundry every day until i get caught up and everything is clean. and i usually resort to wearing the most random things i own so i can wash all my normal stuff.

5. all the movies at our house are in alphabetical order. i hate going to other peoples houses and try to look for a movie and it takes forever because they are just in some random order.

6. i have an unhealthy obsession with "my" tv shows. i do not like to miss them, and i do not appreciate it when people talk while i am watching any of them. the good thing is that cory understands this and respects it. ha ha.


I tag amber, meagan, megan, nikki, & katy!

not optimistic, not pessimistic, just realistic

I need to start out by saying that being a Christensen means that flat out, nothing will EVER go according to plan. It never has and it never will. It is something we have all come to terms with and learned to live our lives plan-less. This fact has been proven by basically every family member (except maybe ryan because he's the angel of the family) :) in one way or another. It can be a big plan or a little plan - it doesn't matter.

With that said.....

Last weekend Cory and I were discussing goals that we both wanted to set for ourselves. We then set one for each other. His goal for me was to have me be more optimistic. I tried really hard to not let my pessimistic side out and try to see the good in life and enjoy everything it has to offer - even when it's mundane and the same thing every day.

Now you see, because I have been a Christensen for 22 years, I realized a long time ago, that I am definitely no good at being an optimist. I just don't have it in me. And yet, i don't really consider myself a pessimist. I know that in the long run things work out exactly how they are supposed to, I just have a hard time dealing with it when they dont in the short term.

After a VERY long and trying week full of meltdowns and a lot of disappointment, I decided, why do I have to be one or the other?? Why can't I just chill somewhere in the middle and be a realist? I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I keep my secret optimism to myself, because then it is less real, and I prepare myself for the worst. That way, I am prepared for anything. It still doesn't always make a difference with my reaction when things go wrong, but it does however help me appreciate when things go right!

I went home on Tuesday after going to the doctor and for a while i just KNEW that every move luke made was him saying "haha mom, yep, i'm still in here. and it's dark and cozy and i dont ever have to cry to make my point or eat or deal with people touching me and bothering me...i'm just going to enjoy it!" Once I recovered from my sadness of not being able to force him out this week, I have come to terms with the fact that Luke doesn't move around just to taunt me (although I still wouldn't be surprised if he did, Cory is his father after all....) and that I need to be grateful that he is healthy and strong and that I am healthy and we have had no significant bumps along the way.

Cory worked very hard this week at keeping me optimistic and happy. He did a great job, even though I may have resented him for it once or twice. I do have to say, I still am sure that I will never be an optimist. I just don't have it in me. However, I do plan on being a realist. Something I hadn't realized I could be until this week. People always place you in a category of either "optimist" or "pessimist". I have decided to break the mold and just be me - the realist with inner hopes of optimism, and outer expressions of pessimism. And I am perfectly ok with that.

Oh and thank you Cory for the beautiful flowers....lily's are definitely my favorite :)

impatient.

i mean seriously. this little guy better come soon. or i may lose it! i am DYING to meet him. and by DYING i mean D Y I N G!

A Little Inconvenient....

Ok so saturday night we had some friends over, and while sitting at the kitchen table, one of those friends realized their socks were getting wet.....

Apparently we have a leak in the wall of our apartment and it has been soaking through our carpet for a few days! YAY!! (insert thumbs down and eye roll here...)

So yeah, our carpet is drying now - after being SOAKING wet. UGH. But the worst part about it is that I'm in the midst of thise "have to have the house clean and perfectly sanitary for sweet new baby" phase and now our carpet is completely ripped up and hopefully not growing mildew or something!! And of course, everything from our eating area is in our family room/kitchen is squished even more than usual in our little apartment...

Here are some pictures.....(oh and please ignore that the chairs are STILL not painted.)

totally overwhelmed

as i sit here on this calm sunday night, after a somewhat typical weekend - cleaning, working on projects before the baby comes, and hanging out with cory - i am trying my very best not to fall completely over the edge and lose my sanity.

general conference this time around seems to have effected me more than it has in the past. almost every single talk, in all 4 sessions, seem to have been directed to me and what i needed to hear.

i've noticed recently that i think i've put on my "motherly glasses" and suddenly view the world as a much scarier place than i ever have before. i find my mind wandering thinking about everything from politics, the country's finances, my family's finances, to my spritual well-being. i'm starting to feel like no matter what aspect of life it is, i'm falling up short.

I find myself wondering - how do you become the mom that you've always wanted to be? how do you teach your child right from wrong? how do you teach them to choose the right - even when it's the hardest choice? how do you teach them everything they need to know about our savior and help them build a testimony strong enough to pull them through all the terrible things in the world? how do you teach your child to budget and spend according to income rather than just because they want something? am i ready to be the one that this little boy looks to for answers to all of lifes scary questions? how do i keep skanky girls away from him? how do i protect him from bullies and people who will try to persuade him to do bad things? how do i be the "cool mom" that he's not completely embarrased of while still enforcing rules and discipline?

It's incredibly overwhelming to me.......

I keep hoping the "motherhood handbook" will be coming in the mail any day now, but I haven't seen it yet. I mean, how do moms know everything that they know? I know it's a little late to wonder about these things - considering he'll be here within the next two weeks, but how am i going to keep it together and be everything this little guy needs in his life?

Seriously, my worrying has become such a problem that cory has banned me fromt he news. no talk radio, no reading the news on the internet or watching it on tv. i'm starting to feel incredibly out of the loop, but i'm already noticing a lower stress level. ha

I guess the easiest thing to do is take it day by day and hope for the best.....

I just have to say that i am SO lucky to have such an incredible and supportive husband who knows me in every way possible. he knows what triggers my panic attacks and does everything in his power to make me avoid those triggers :) he is not a man of many emotions, and he is defintiely not a man of many words. he is goofy and totally nerdy - loving video games, computer games and comic books. And yet, he is protective and caring and total softy. i think it is finally sinking in that we really are going to have a new baby in the house - and i finally have gotten to see his really protective side! he is so sutble and quiet in the ways he shows his concern and love for those around him, and it really is my favorite thing when i can pick up on it. he is the greatest man for me. i could have never dreamed for anyone better to have as my support, best friend, dad of our baby, and my eternal companion.

he is the one that pushes me through this day to day mess i conjur up for myself. he is my grounding force and the love of my life. i am so lucky to be able to call him mine.