Saturday, October 18, 2008

not optimistic, not pessimistic, just realistic

I need to start out by saying that being a Christensen means that flat out, nothing will EVER go according to plan. It never has and it never will. It is something we have all come to terms with and learned to live our lives plan-less. This fact has been proven by basically every family member (except maybe ryan because he's the angel of the family) :) in one way or another. It can be a big plan or a little plan - it doesn't matter.

With that said.....

Last weekend Cory and I were discussing goals that we both wanted to set for ourselves. We then set one for each other. His goal for me was to have me be more optimistic. I tried really hard to not let my pessimistic side out and try to see the good in life and enjoy everything it has to offer - even when it's mundane and the same thing every day.

Now you see, because I have been a Christensen for 22 years, I realized a long time ago, that I am definitely no good at being an optimist. I just don't have it in me. And yet, i don't really consider myself a pessimist. I know that in the long run things work out exactly how they are supposed to, I just have a hard time dealing with it when they dont in the short term.

After a VERY long and trying week full of meltdowns and a lot of disappointment, I decided, why do I have to be one or the other?? Why can't I just chill somewhere in the middle and be a realist? I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I keep my secret optimism to myself, because then it is less real, and I prepare myself for the worst. That way, I am prepared for anything. It still doesn't always make a difference with my reaction when things go wrong, but it does however help me appreciate when things go right!

I went home on Tuesday after going to the doctor and for a while i just KNEW that every move luke made was him saying "haha mom, yep, i'm still in here. and it's dark and cozy and i dont ever have to cry to make my point or eat or deal with people touching me and bothering me...i'm just going to enjoy it!" Once I recovered from my sadness of not being able to force him out this week, I have come to terms with the fact that Luke doesn't move around just to taunt me (although I still wouldn't be surprised if he did, Cory is his father after all....) and that I need to be grateful that he is healthy and strong and that I am healthy and we have had no significant bumps along the way.

Cory worked very hard this week at keeping me optimistic and happy. He did a great job, even though I may have resented him for it once or twice. I do have to say, I still am sure that I will never be an optimist. I just don't have it in me. However, I do plan on being a realist. Something I hadn't realized I could be until this week. People always place you in a category of either "optimist" or "pessimist". I have decided to break the mold and just be me - the realist with inner hopes of optimism, and outer expressions of pessimism. And I am perfectly ok with that.

Oh and thank you Cory for the beautiful flowers....lily's are definitely my favorite :)

1 comment:

Mimi Gruwell said...

i freaking love you... just the realistic way you are :) hope the baby decides to grace us with his presence sooner than later!! just keep smiling... cause its not like youre going to get any more sleep after he comes.