*Disclaimer - do not read this unless you feel like reading the post from Debbie Downer. that's who i am today.*
i'm kind of going through this phase where i feel like i am replace-able. it's really not so great. i think maybe i haven't had a real blog in a while since i have nothing peppy or exciting to say.
feeling replaced is terrible. i go through this phase every once in a while. it's probably just a serious insecurity of mine...people leaving. weird because i've never had a real traumatic experience that included people leaving. apparently it's just a worry of mine.
It's nothing against the people in my life that find others to fill my spot, i just notice it seems to happen. more often than not. which leads me to wonder...is it me? well apparently, because it doesn't happen to everyone else i know.
best friends move on, find other, newer best friends. maybe i can convince myself that it's just the newness of the "new and better" friend that makes them so exciting. maybe it's the negative experiences between the "old" best friends that draw the line to a point of no return. maybe it's just the need for a change. maybe you were in their life only for a certain time, for a specific reason. they needed you for those days, weeks, months or years, and now your job there is completed so you can both move on. it always seems to be easier for one friend than the other i think.
how do you move on without seriously compromising the others feelings? how do they move on without seriously compromising yours? i don't know if that's possible. what do you do if you want to move on and they don't? or vice versa...
I don't know, i've just kind of been at a loss lately. i love my husband, more than anything. i love my little lukey - also more than anything. it's weird how that works. i love that cory has a job that supports our family. i love that i have a job that allows me to take lukey with me and work flexible hours. i know that i have a great life, and i am incredibly blessed. maybe i just still don't feel like it's enough. i don't know. loneliness is a weird thing. it seems to come and go in spurts. sometimes it's easy to handle, other times its not.
i miss my mom. i miss katy. i miss megan. i miss meagan. i miss nikki. i miss sister time with ambie. and here i am...my sweet baby is FINALLY sleeping - like two hours than usual...that means he'll sleep two hours than usual right? ha. cory is humoring me and letting me watch SVU - my favorite show. i have a great life. maybe i can focus on that and it will get me through this lonely spurt i'm having......oh and hopefully a happy post is on it's way.