Wednesday, January 28, 2009

replaced

*Disclaimer - do not read this unless you feel like reading the post from Debbie Downer. that's who i am today.*



i'm kind of going through this phase where i feel like i am replace-able. it's really not so great. i think maybe i haven't had a real blog in a while since i have nothing peppy or exciting to say.

feeling replaced is terrible. i go through this phase every once in a while. it's probably just a serious insecurity of mine...people leaving. weird because i've never had a real traumatic experience that included people leaving. apparently it's just a worry of mine.

It's nothing against the people in my life that find others to fill my spot, i just notice it seems to happen. more often than not. which leads me to wonder...is it me? well apparently, because it doesn't happen to everyone else i know.

best friends move on, find other, newer best friends. maybe i can convince myself that it's just the newness of the "new and better" friend that makes them so exciting. maybe it's the negative experiences between the "old" best friends that draw the line to a point of no return. maybe it's just the need for a change. maybe you were in their life only for a certain time, for a specific reason. they needed you for those days, weeks, months or years, and now your job there is completed so you can both move on. it always seems to be easier for one friend than the other i think.

how do you move on without seriously compromising the others feelings? how do they move on without seriously compromising yours? i don't know if that's possible. what do you do if you want to move on and they don't? or vice versa...

I don't know, i've just kind of been at a loss lately. i love my husband, more than anything. i love my little lukey - also more than anything. it's weird how that works. i love that cory has a job that supports our family. i love that i have a job that allows me to take lukey with me and work flexible hours. i know that i have a great life, and i am incredibly blessed. maybe i just still don't feel like it's enough. i don't know. loneliness is a weird thing. it seems to come and go in spurts. sometimes it's easy to handle, other times its not.

i miss my mom. i miss katy. i miss megan. i miss meagan. i miss nikki. i miss sister time with ambie. and here i am...my sweet baby is FINALLY sleeping - like two hours than usual...that means he'll sleep two hours than usual right? ha. cory is humoring me and letting me watch SVU - my favorite show. i have a great life. maybe i can focus on that and it will get me through this lonely spurt i'm having......oh and hopefully a happy post is on it's way.

8 comments:

amber said...

sister i'm sorry you feel so lonely. you know that if i had more time in the day i would be over there annoying you and eating your food. i love you sis, you're the greatest sister on the face of this earth.

Mimi Gruwell said...

I LOVE YOU!! I miss you, and i have no single favorite but you are one of the best favorites i have ever had! i understand the loneliness and the replacement thing.. heck i am two thousand miles away... and SO replaceable. Just know that you are priceless to me!!

Tyler & Katy said...

MEGAN!!!! you made me cry! you need to move closer, along with amber, so that we can all hang out together along with your mom!! you are not replaceable in our lives!! trust me!! we all LOVE YOU!

Tyler and Megan said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have been feeling that same loneliness a lot lately too. Maybe you are not as alone as you thin? Maybe if you like driving north (Which I swear it doesn't matter where you are it always feels like you are going uphill)we could be not lonely together? I used to be a social butterfly type person and now I am social reject person. I think that we are all realizing that you can't make great friendships out of thin air, and that it might be time to really cling to the friendships that were good in the first place? I'm game if you are? That goes for you too, Mimi and Nikki. LOVE.

Devin & Nikki Choules said...

I miss my meggie too! Sweetie, I have been replaced for 4 years because I live in Logan. Seriously. I know what you mean!We all need to have a big sleep over. Lets all meet on the top of the empire state building on Valentines day! But I miss all my besties!

The Emerys said...

I know exactly how you feel and I feel that way all the time. And being replaced seems so easy that brings me to mine and your friendship. I remember when we were inseperable and now think we are finally getting together for lunch after what like 5 years! Hang in there I think we all have those days. And Im way excited to see you tomorrow!

Kaitlyn Flanagan said...

See how loved and missed you are, Meg? Just remember that in my eyes you are completely irreplaceable.

Paul~Melissa said...

Im glad that other people have had those same feelings--- well maybe not glad, because they arent good feelings, but just so you know, I think a lot of people feel that way!!! Anyway- I miss you!!!!